cherry chapstick
by suicidebycyanide
Summary: AU SERIES 14 / Charlotte Fairhead-Duffin has enough to deal without the arrival of her older sister Lauren. - —Duffy/OC.
1. PROLOGUE

**cherry chapstick  
** _you don't have to be beautiful_

* * *

There was always something about Lauren and I that I could never put my finger on. We were born three days apart but it wasn't just that, we were like the same person. We both had the same shade of brown eyes and the same personality — even if I was _slightly_ quieter.

We both went to the same school, in the same year and it became a running joke that perhaps we were secret sisters. Lauren and I just laughed it off, I couldn't see it myself. Yes okay we looked similar and behaved similar but we grew up together, surely that was to be expected?

I was about seven years old, maybe eight when I started to wonder if Lauren and I really were sisters. I began to notice similarities not only between Lauren and I but also between me and Lauren's father. The way we laughed, the way we had the same sense of humour. It seemed to scare me, I didn't want Lauren's father to be my father too.

I remember one morning before school, eating cornflakes at the kitchen table that I blurted out the burning question that was eating a hole inside of me, "Is Lauren's daddy my daddy too?"

My mother didn't reply, she just dropped the spotty red cup that she was holding.

I never asked the question again and she never told me the truth either, not until I was old enough to understand. I was eleven years old when my mother sat me down and revealed the truth that I'd always known.

Lauren and I were half-sisters.

My mother explained that it was _complicated_ , but it was never going to be a secret between Lauren and I. She just wanted a chance to explain the truth. I wasn't really paying attention when my mother revealed that she'd fallen in love with Charlie too but he'd chosen Baz, Lauren's mum.

It never bothered Lauren and I. I mean, we practically grew up as sisters so why would the revelation we actually were, ruin everything? Lauren and I grew closer over the years until we were about fourteen. When we turned fourteen everything began to fall apart starting with our friendship.

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 **notes** / not sure where this is going to be honest. Please review :) x


	2. CHAPTER ONE

**CHAPTER ONE**.

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Overnight Lauren and I became strangers. We no longer went to school together, or spent our breaks together. All forms of communication between us stopped. I just put it down to finding it difficult to accept we were half-sisters — no longer talking to me was her way of dealing with that.

The last time I'd heard from Lauren was six months previously when she told me she was moving to Birmingham with _her_ mother and _our_ younger brother Louis.

Today was an ordinary day, well as ordinary as it can be when you spend the majority of your time in the Accident and Emergency Department of your local hospital. That was the joys of having both your parents as nurses'. I was just reading my romantic novel when I heard a thud, a scream and looked up.

I blinked. Not once but twice but the scene stayed the same.

I swallowed hard and dropped the book I was holding. Sam, young Sam was lying on the floor, a pool of blood forming around his head. I saw Amy crouched down beside him, calling his name repeatedly. I was unaware at this point I was splattered with his blood.

"Sam?" I called. It seemed like a lifetime before my father came on the scene. Everyone moved out of the way, Sam was taken into Resus and the cleaners began to scrub at the blood that was still forming a puddle beneath my feet. Penny gently took Amy by the arm and Josh took me.

"Come on lets get you a cup of tea," he whispered and lead me to the staff room. I slowly sat down on the settee in silence, biting my lower lip slowly. I'd never seen so much blood come from one person and that amount of blood can't be a good thing surely?

"He's dead isn't he?"

"No," the answer from Penny came too quickly for my liking and I began to think she was lying. Sam was dead. I'd seen my very first dead body and my very first person die in front of my eyes, "no he isn't dead. He's in the best place Charlotte."

I cupped the mug of tea in between my hands. The warmth of the mug was beginning to warm me up and I no longer felt really cold. I didn't really like tea or coffee but I guessed it would be better to drink tea. Apparently a hot cup of tea with four sugars help with shock though I'm not sure how true that is.

I took a sip of tea before asking Josh and Penny, "can you find my mum or dad, please?"

Both of them nodded and left. Suddenly it was just Amy and I alone in the staff room. Amy kept staring into the bottom of her mug and I knew she was in more shock than me. Her and Sam were closer than me and Sam. Sam to me was just someone who worked with my parents.

"Are you okay?" I asked. As soon as I'd said it I realised what a silly question it was. Of course she wasn't okay, she'd just witnessed her best friend fall over a balcony and blood from the back of his head and his ear.

Amy nodded and asked how I was. I answered I was fine, just felt strange seeing Sam like that. I swallowed my tea in one, placed the cup on the table and left Amy alone in the staff room. Slowly I walked back to the spot where Sam lay ten minutes earlier.

I looked down at the floor. There was a yellow wet floor sign but no blood. The blood had disappeared. I looked up to the balcony where he'd fallen from and felt nauseous. It made me sad that someone had, in anger pushed Sam over it. I'd forgotten how long I'd been standing there, staring at the balcony when I felt somebody's hand on my shoulder.

"Lottie?"

I slowly turned, my eyes falling upon Chloe. I smiled slightly, "Is my mother still in Resus?"

Chloe nodded and I smiled again before silence settled between us. Nothing else was exchanged for a couple of minutes before Chloe asked, "is everything okay? You look a bit pale that's all."

"I'm fine."

"You sure?"

I nodded my head, "yes, I just want my mother or father. Have you seen my father?"

"I think he's in the office talking to Josh," Chloe answered and I nodded. Again after a couple of seconds of silence Chloe excused herself and told me she had to go back to work. I nodded my head slowly and walked towards my father's office. With a deep breath, I knocked on the door twice and pushed open the door.

Inside the office was my father and Josh. Realising I had probably interrupted an important conversation, I apologised and told them both I'd come back later. Josh shook his head, stood up from his seat and told me they'd finished their conversation.

"I need a hug," I whispered as I stepped towards my father. As he embraced me in his arms, I couldn't help but cry. What seemed to be ages, I stopped crying and sat on the edge of my father's desk swinging my legs backwards and forwards.

"I'm sorry I just," I paused unable to say the next couple of words, "—I've never seen so much blood before."

Charlie rubbed his hand up and down my arm, "Lottie you've got nothing to be sorry for, you've had a shock that's all. Perhaps you should go home?"

"No!" I answered quickly. I knew my father was right, going home was probably the most sensible option. I couldn't though. I couldn't go home to an empty house and think of Sam constantly. Emptiness and overthinking really didn't go well.

"I want to wait until mum's finished if that's okay?"

Charlie nodded his head, "fine but if you need anything, you know where I am okay?"

"Yes father," I answered with a smile, he could be very overprotective at times.

* * *

 _ **jottings** _ — if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review.


	3. CHAPTER TWO

**CHAPTER TWO.**

* * *

I had a bath as soon as I got home. It had just gone eight o'clock and my mother wanted me to eat something but I declined because I wasn't overly hungry. I submerged myself in the water trying to forget the events of today.

It was easier said than done though.

Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Sam. Sam was just lying there, the puddle of blood growing bigger and bigger around his head. I remember hearing Sam scream. I remember hearing Amy scream Sam's name. I remember a sickening thud. I remember seeing Sam _dying_ before my eyes.

I brought my head out of the water gasping for air as my mother knocked on the door, "Lottie?"

"Yes?"

There was a pause, "are you sure you don't want anything to eat? If you want we can get a takeaway?"

I smiled at the lovely gesture and replied, "seriously mum I'm okay. I'm just not hungry okay?"

There was a pause from my mother before she told me she would leave me to have a bath in peace. Hearing her footsteps down the stairs I submerged myself back in the water. A short while later I got out of the bath, put on my pyjamas and headed downstairs into the kitchen where I turned on the kettle.

Taking two mugs out of the cupboard I put a teabag in each one with a spoonful of sugar in both. Once the kettle had boiled, I poured the hot water into each mug and stirred the teabags. Leaving the spoon on the side, I picked up both mugs and walked into the living room.

"I made us a tea," I smiled softly as I handed one of the mugs to my mother. Duffy took the mug of tea and smiled, "thanks."

I sat down next to my mother and rested of my head on her shoulder. Nothing was exchanged between us, both of us just staring at the television watching the news. The silence was peaceful and I wanted it to last for the evening, I didn't want to talk about anything, especially not Sam and his fall.

"Lottie," she began, "I think you should see a counsellor."

"Why?"

There was another pause before I replied, "seriously I'm fine. Why don't you believe that?"

"Lottie you saw someone almost die," I could hear the emotion in her voice as she said it, "you need to talk about that because—because if you don't, it's only going to eat you up inside."

I listened to what my mother was saying and I knew deep down she was right. I knew I'd seen someone nearly die and I couldn't just move on from that. I could pretend that I was okay but I needed to learn to deal with it, deal with all the emotions that came with being a witness to that.

I swallowed hard, "I think you're right."

I took a mouthful of tea, "do you ever get used to it?"

"Get used to what sweetheart?"

I paused, "you know death, dying—accidents. Do you ever reach a point where it becomes _normal?"_

Duffy turned to look at me and nodded her head, "Lottie I've been a nurse for over ten years and I can't tell you how many deaths I've dealt with in that time frame. Without coming across as heartless, every time a patient dies you still feel some pain. You just learn to accept it and move on."

I nodded and downed my tea in one, "can I sleep with you tonight? I — I don't think I'll be able to sleep on my own."

"Of course."

/

I managed to sleep like a child in my mother's bed, cuddling up to her like I was five again. I woke up wide awake at just gone three-thirty when I heard my bedroom window creak open. I froze in the bed and swallowed. I tried to tell myself it was probably the wind but I could hear footsteps.

Deciding I wasn't going to risk waking my mother up, I gently got out of bed and tip-toed towards the door. Pulling open the door, I saw a silhouette and bit my lower lip. Slowly opening the door more, I crept into the hallway and whispered; "who's there?"

"Lottie where the _fuck_ are you?"

Knowing who the voice belonged too, I switched the landing light on. Standing in the hallway was Lauren, my half-sister the one I hadn't seen in a few months. She looked different from the last time we'd seen each other.

Her hair was mattered, there were several cuts on her and blood running down her face, "Lauren what are you doing here?"

"Looking for you _obviously,_ why are you in your mum's room?"

"It doesn't matter," I walked towards her and shoved her arm towards the stairs, "get your arse downstairs!"

Lauren and I walked downstairs in silence. I turned off the light and switched on the kitchen light. Lauren sat down at the table and I was still amazed she was even stood in front of me. When she left for Birmingham with her mother, she made it clear she never wanted to see me again.

"What the bloody hell happened to you?"

Lauren didn't reply and I filled up a bowl with warm water before looking for the first aid box. I knew it had to be in here somewhere, my mother was always adamant she was going to have one available in case of emergencies. Finding the box in the cupboard, I brought it and the water over to the table.

Sitting down opposite Lauren I once again asked, "are you going to tell me what happened or am I simply here to patch you up, no questions asked?"

Lauren sighed but still didn't say anything. I realised I wasn't going to get anything out of her and I simply soaked some cotton wool in the bowl of water before wiping the blood away from her face. I knew I should tell her to piss off but I couldn't because she was my sister and she needed my help, even if she was the oldest.

I wiped away as much blood as I could until I reached the wound on her head. The wound was quite deep and I knew it needed stitching.

"Lauren, you need to go to hospital. You need stitches."

"I'm not going to hospital Charlie, I came here because I thought you could help me."

"Help you with what? Lauren you need to talk to me," I sighed and stood up from the table, "you're my sister Lauren and I'll help you but I need to know what's wrong. I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong can I?"

Neither of us were aware of the footsteps down the stairs or the figure who stood at the door. Wrapped in a dressing gown, my mother's eyes flicked between me and Lauren before she came into the kitchen and asked, "is anyone going to tell me what's going on here?"

* * *

 **jottings** / if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review:3


	4. CHAPTER THREE

**CHAPTER THREE**.

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"Oh hi mum, sorry I wasn't aware I woke you."

"Clearly," Duffy replied and once again looked at me then Lauren then back at me, "well does someone want to explain?"

I don't know what Lauren expected me to do. Did she expect me to lie in front of my mother to protect her or did I say the truth, that Lauren was in some sort of trouble and came to me because we're sisters. Half-sisters but still sisters nevertheless.

I coughed, "I thought she was an intruder."

For the first time since she was seated at the table Lauren spoke, "I didn't mean to wake you up Duffy, I just—I didn't know where else to go."

Duffy sighed and sat down at the table. When she became godmother to Lauren she knew this day would arrive though she didn't expect it to be three forty-five in the morning. She looked at Lauren closely and knew the youngster was hiding something, her years of working as an A&E nurse had taught her that.

"Do your parents know you're here?"

Even I stared at my mother, what kind of question was that? "Mum this is Lauren we're talking about, of course she hasn't told her parents. She's not _that_ sensible."

Lauren stared at me, "thanks for the vote of confidence."

"No I didn't mean it like that!"

"Well how _did_ you mean it then Lottie?"

"Girls!" Both of us looked at Duffy who was rubbing her left temple, "please can you _both_ stop arguing?"

I slowly turned around and emptied the bowl of water into the sink. Deciding to make myself useful I picked up the kettle from its stand and filled it with water before flicking its switch and waiting for it to boil. There was nothing exchanged between any of us for a couple of minutes.

"Before you do anything you'll need _that_ stitching," Duffy explained to Lauren about the cut on her forehead, the same cut I'd told her needed stitches five minutes earlier. Lauren shook her head, she was not going to hospital.

"No hospitals."

"But Lauren—"

"No hospitals," she looked at us both, "understood?"

Duffy and I nodded. We understood although we weren't sure why she was so reluctant to attend the department. Was she scared in case she bumped into _our_ father? He'd have something to say about the situation all three of us knew that.

"Lauren what's happened?" Duffy reached over and squeezed her hand, "Lauren I can't help you unless you talk to me. It can't be _that_ bad can it?"

Lauren stared at the kitchen table. She knew realistically it was never going to stay a secret for ever but she couldn't say it out loud. If she did it would make the situation real and she wasn't sure she was ready to cope with the consequences yet.

"Lauren?"

"I," there was a pause, "I think I've killed someone."

The silence was interrupted by the sound of smashed glass. I apologised after realising it was me who'd dropped the mug onto the floor and knelt down on the floor to pick up the broken pieces. I swallowed hard. Lauren, a killer? No, no she wasn't a murderer.

"What makes you think that?"

I was amazed at how calm my mother was been. I'm in shock and she's as cool as a cucumber about the whole thing, like she deals with it every day of her life. I stood up and chucked the broken pieces of mug in the bin.

"I—In Birmingham I kind of got involved in something I shouldn't have."

Lauren stroked my mother's hand, "these men did things to me and a group of other girls. One of them beat me up hence the cuts and bruises, I tried to get away but I couldn't. I—I picked up the lamp and hit him with it. He, he fell down."

"So you think you killed him?"

Lauren nodded, "he didn't move or anything. I didn't want to stay around, I knew I'd be dead when he woke up so I—I got the last train here. I had to change like but I can't go back there okay? _They'll_ kill me."

I knelt down to her level, "sweet you've got to go to the police. These bastard's will keep doing it too girls if nobody stops them."

"Lottie's right Lauren, you should report this to the police."

Lauren shook her head, "and ruin everything? Mum's happy in Birmingham and Louis' settled. If I go to the police we'll have to leave. I just need a few days away and then I'll go back. Nobody will suspect anything."

Duffy sighed, she knew Lauren was dealing with it in her own way. By running away she was pretending nothing bad had happened to her. Even I knew she had to report them because if she didn't, they'd carry on doing this. I felt physically sick. She'd only been in Birmingham six months, how worse was it going to be after a year?

"Okay, no police but you still need that forehead stitched."

Lauren shook her head, "no because what if I bump into dad, then what do I say?"

"We'll come up with something Lauren, I promise."

I rubbed my left temple feeling a headache coming on. I heard my mother leave the kitchen table and I looked at Lauren. There was nothing exchanged between us for a couple of seconds before Lauren stood up from the table too.

"Tell your mother I say sorry."

"Lauren what the _hell_ are you doing?"

"Please just tell her I said sorry," Lauren left the kitchen and I followed her. She took the set of keys out of the basket and opened the door. Apologising once again she stepped out of the house and outside into the cold.

"I'm sorry!"

"Lauren please don't do anything stupid," the door closed behind her and I sighed. Hearing the door close my mother stood at the top of the stairs. There was nothing spoken for a moment or two before she ran down the stairs.

"Stay here, I'm going to go looking for her."

"Mum leave her, she's made her choice."

My mother didn't verbally respond but shook her head before leaving the house. Once again the front door closed and I sighed. My half-sister could be a real nightmare at times. Locking the door behind me, I sat down in the living room and stared at the clock above the fireplace.

Three fifty-three.

I sighed deeply, this was going to be a _very_ long morning.

* * *

 **jottings** / if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review:3


	5. CHAPTER FOUR

**CHAPTER FOUR**.

* * *

Duffy spent an hour searching the streets trying to find Lauren. She tried to remember where the youngster liked to go before finally, at the end of the search deciding to go to the park. Maybe there was something about the park for Lauren to escape too?

Duffy swallowed as she took the path into the park. It was beginning to get slightly warmer as the minutes ticked by but it was still dark, various lampposts heading into the park broken and flicking wildly. She sighed and continued towards the swings and roundabout.

In the distance she could make out a silhouette and she knew it was Lauren. The gate squeaked as Duffy opened it and she took a few steps towards the figure swinging absent-mindedly. Sitting down on the swing next to Lauren, Duffy was silent for several minutes.

Eventually she asked, "why did you come here Lauren?"

"Because I _thought_ you could help me."

"I didn't say I _couldn't_ help you," Duffy answered and began to swing forwards and backwards. Lauren sighed deeply. She knew Duffy wouldn't let it drop. She knew Duffy would make her go to the hospital _and_ to the police. Lauren knew she meant well that's why she came to her. She could trust her.

"You want me to go to hospital." Lauren pointed out.

There was a silence for a moment, "—going to hospital is for your own good. If that head doesn't get seen too, you'll be in trouble."

"I'm doing this for the safety of everyone." She sighed deeply, "I wish you'd see it like that."

Duffy didn't know what to say or do. She swung backwards and forwards on the swing and wondered why Lauren was so scared. Maybe this whole situation went deeper than she was willing to admit. What if she was in deeper trouble?

"I can only help you _if_ you trust me."

"I do trust you," she breathed deeply, "its _him_ I don't trust."

Nothing was exchanged between the two before Lauren stood up from the swing. She knew she couldn't go back to Birmingham but she also knew she couldn't destroy her mother's life either. Turning to Duffy she replied, "I'll go to hospital but then I'm going back home okay, no police?"

Duffy sighed but knew that was the best Lauren was going to agree too. Getting off the swing Duffy nodded, "okay no police."

/

Lauren and Duffy got to A&E at five forty-five. It was relatively quiet and the waiting time wasn't long, forty-minutes which Duffy thought wasn't bad. The door to the department opened and Charlotte walked in.

"What are you doing here?"

I looked at my mother and shrugged, "I was bored at home, thought you could do with some company too."

I sat down on the seat next to Lauren and studied her for a second. I could tell she was nervous as she was biting her lower lip. It made me smile slightly as I realised we'd both developed the same habit. I also bit my lower lip when I was nervous.

"How you feeling?"

"How do you think?"

I stared at my half-sister and answered back, "I was only asking, you don't have to bite my head off!"

"Girls!" Both of us looked at my mother and shut up immediately. I was beginning to regret my decision to come here, not because of Lauren but because of Sam. Where we were sat wasn't far from where he fell. I swallowed hard feeling sick.

I remembered reading my book.

I remembered hearing the scream.

I remembered hearing a sickening thud.

I looked down at the floor and saw a puddle of blood. My mother seemed to sense I wasn't okay because she touched my forehead with her hand. Realising I had a temperature she whispered, "Lottie are you okay?"

I was silent for a couple of seconds before I whispered, "Sam."

Lauren looked between my mother and I and wondered what the issue was. She was silent for a couple of minutes and was about to say something before the male nurse called her name. My mother looked at me and asked if I wanted to come in with them.

I shook my head. I was okay here.

Very reluctantly Duffy left me in the waiting room.

/

I stood on the exact spot Sam fell. I wondered if this is what my mother meant when she told me about going to counselling. What is it they call it? Post-traumatic Stress Disorder? I was _fine_ wasn't I? This was all part of the healing process wasn't it?

 _Scream._

 _Thud._

 _Blood._

I closed my eyes and swallowed. Why did it have to happen to Sam of all people? Sam was so kind, so caring to people. He never had a bad word to say about anybody. Why him? I slowly opened my eyes bringing myself back to my surroundings.

I found myself outside Intensive Care after walking and walking. I felt dizzy and sick, my heart racing inside my chest. My mouth felt dry and I walked through the door trying to find the bed Sam was in. I had to see him, I had to tell myself he was fine.

I heard someone scream before bursting into tears. My heart sank as I realised somebody had died. I continued to find myself walking up the corridor before finally arriving at Sam's bed. His bed was in the corner and I stepped towards him.

There was silence every now and then between the beeps of the machine's hooked up to him. I realised that at least _one_ of those machines were keeping him alive and I settled myself down on the chair beside the bed. I chewed my lower lip, not sure what to do or say.

"Hello Sam," I whispered careful not to disturb the other patients in the unit.

The machine beeped but Sam remained silent.

"Goodnight Sam," I whispered as I lay my head down on his stomach. It wasn't long before I fell asleep, my head still on his stomach and the sky becoming brighter.

* * *

 _ **jottings**_ — if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please review.


	6. CHAPTER FIVE

**CHAPTER FIVE**.

* * *

I hadn't been asleep long when I felt a hand on my shoulder gently shaking me awake. I slowly opened my eyes, the bright lights blinding me and I blinked a few times, eventually my eyes adjusting to the light.

"What are you doing here?"

I made eye contact with Eve and shrugged. I couldn't begin to explain could I? I was in A&E with my mother and half-sister but I couldn't stay sitting in the waiting room because I kept flashing back to Sam's fall.

"I needed to see him, I must've fallen asleep."

I smiled softly and stood up from the seat, the chair legs scratching against the floor. As I moved to the side Eve gently placed her hand on my wrist. There was nothing exchanged between us for a couple of minutes, Sam's machine beeping in the background.

Eve eventually broke the silence, "are you sure everything's okay?"

I smiled again and nodded my head, "everything's fine."

As I began to leave the Intensive Care Unit, I took my mobile phone out of my pocket and saw several missed calls of my mother. I took a deep breath and knew she was probably worried about me. Deciding to call her back, I put the phone to my ear and listened to it ring.

After three rings I heard my mother's voice bellow down the phone, " _where the hell have you been?"_

I sighed, it was obviously pointless to lie — "I couldn't stay in the waiting room so I went to see Sam. I fell asleep I'm sorry."

" _Oh sweetheart_ ," the anger melted from my mother's voice over the telephone, " _I didn't realise sitting in the waiting room was going to make you remember. I should've insisted you went home. I'm sorry too_."

Wanting to change the subject as soon as possible I asked, "how's Lauren?"

" _Lauren's okay, her head didn't require too many stitches. They've admitted her for twenty-four hours for observation which she isn't best pleased with_."

I laughed slightly, "I bet she gave the doctor a right mouthful for that, does she remind you of anyone when she behaves like that?"

" _Baz maybe_ ," I laughed. It was true that Lauren always reminded everyone of her mother when she gave people a mouthful. There was nothing exchanged for a couple of seconds before Duffy asked, " _are you on your way home?_ "

I shook my head and realised she couldn't see me, "No. No I've decided I'm going to — to that place you suggested."

" _The counselling?"_

I nodded again, "yeah. I think you're right, I think I do need some sort of counselling."

 _"Would you like me to come with you?"_

"I'll be okay on my own, I promise."

 _"Okay sweetie,"_ there was a pause, _"if you change your mind, ring me okay? I love you."_

"I love you too." The phone call ended and I stared down at the phone. With a sigh, I locked it and placed it back into my pocket. I left the hospital and walked through the grounds heading towards the exit. I ran a hand through my hand and sighed deeply, why couldn't life be simple?

I decided I was going to walk to town, well really that was my only option as I hadn't brought any cash with me. I suppose that was because I never expected a late night visit to Accident and Emergency with my half-sister who should be in Birmingham.

I sighed deeply again.

I fastened my jacket tighter around me as the morning air began to pick up speed. I shivered, the coldness running down my spine. I hated been cold, I wish I could've just gone home and have a brew to warm me up.

The journey into town wasn't too long, half an hour or so. I thought the walk might have cleared my head slightly but it didn't and I was even more confused about how I felt. Lauren's arrival had stirred up some feelings of jealousy I never knew existed between us.

Lauren was Lauren and I was me, Lottie so why did I feel jealous of her. It wasn't like she had anything _I_ didn't have. We both had our parents and each other. Was I just been stupid because I believed Lauren had a better relationship with my mother then I did?

I shook my head hoping to clear my mind, reached into my pocket and took out a crumpled piece of paper which an address on it. I knew exactly where the building was located, I'd seen plenty of people hanging around outside. Shoving the paper back into my pocket, I sighed deeply and began to walk towards the building.

As usual there were kids outside. Some didn't even look old enough to be out on their own, a group of about six or seven were hanging outside the door. They didn't say anything to me as I reached the door, pressed the buzzer and waited for the door to open.

Stepping into the building, I saw a lot of chairs and a reception desk to the left.

"Can I help you?"

I looked in the direction of the voice and walked towards the lady behind the desk, "we spoke on the phone, I'm Charlotte Duffin-Fairhead."

"Oh yes," the woman smiled brightly before standing up from the desk and walking around. She grabbed a couple of papers, a pen and a clipboard before handing them to me and saying, "if you'd like to fill out a couple of details and take a seat, someone will be with you shortly."

Taking the clipboard and pen I took a seat on one of the plastic seats.

* * *

 **jottings** / if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please do not forget to review.


	7. CHAPTER SIX

**CHAPTER SIX**

* * *

I hated plastic chairs, you could never get comfy! Reading the front page of the form I'd been asked to fill in, I began to chew the top of the pen I'd been given aware that it was a disgusting habit and everyone else had probably done the same.

 _Title_ — Miss

 _Forename_ — Charlotte

 _Surname_ — Duffin

 _Age_ — 14

 _Date of birth_ — 14th November 1985

 _Gender_ — Female

As I read the second question on the form, I began to chew the end of my pen. I knew it was unhygienic too, who knows how many mouths this pen had been in. I read the question again and paused. What had lead me to contact counselling, was it really because of Sam's accident?

 _What has lead you to contacting the counselling service at this time?_

I wrote down that I'd contacted the counselling service because I'd witnessed an accident. The accident made me realise how dangerous sometimes working in Accident and Emergency was. It made me scared that one day it wouldn't be a friend who was injured, it was going to be my parents.

After filling in the form, I took it and the pen back to the woman at the desk. I handed it over and she gave me over a raffle ticket number, number four hundred and seventy two. She told me someone would shout the number out shortly. I returned to the seat and waited.

It wasn't long before a female came out of the door. She was only young, roughly mid-twenties with dark purple hair. She held a raffle ticket in her hand and shouted out my number. I double checked my own number, stood up and walked towards her.

She smiled at me, "I'm Cathy, you must be Charlotte?"

I nodded my head and followed her down the long corridors. Eventually we came to a room and she showed me inside and told me to take a seat. I sat down on the seat by the window and she sat down opposite me. There was nothing exchanged between us until she asked me;

"So Charlotte, what's brought you here?"

I looked down at the floor and then made eye contact with Cathy, "I witnessed an accident a few days ago. My mother believed it was better for me to talk to someone about it."

"What was the accident?"

I chewed my lower lip hard and then smiled as I remembered that Lauren also did the same, "my friend — well not mine but my parents. He, he was pushed over a balcony at work. He landed at my feet, literally."

"You saw him fall?"

"No," I shook my head, "I remember hearing someone scream — I think it was Amy. I heard Sam hitting the floor. I didn't realise it at first but I got covered in his blood, it wasn't the blood I was scared of though."

"What were you scared of?"

I shrugged. I knew what I was scared of, I was scared that I'd been so close to death I was almost touching it. I was scared because what if one day it was my mother or my father who were injured at work? I swallowed hard.

"Losing my parents."

"Why does this accident make you think you'll lose your parents?"

I bit my lower lip again, "my parents are nurses'. They work in A&E together, they're not together but they're best friends. There's been so many accidents in the last couple of years. I'm worried that one day, one day someone's going to turn round and tell me that my mum or my dad have died."

"Have the death's been members of staff?"

"Some. I was eleven when Trevor died. He was pushed down the stairs. I was the same age when Jude was found stabbed in a corridor. She survived but only just — her heart stopped beating three times. Jasmine — she was stabbed too, not that long ago. She survived. Now Sam. And I know one day it'll be my parents."

"Have you spoken to your parents about how their job makes you feel?"

I laughed and shook my head, "it's the nature of their job _I_ understand that every time they go to work there's a possibility something bad will happen. _I_ accept that but maybe it's becoming more common, more common for doctors and nurses' to be injured on the job."

"Do you have any siblings?"

"I have two, one half-brother and one half-sister."

"Are they younger or older than you?"

"Louis' younger than me, Lauren's three days older than me."

I could read her expression and it made me laugh slightly. I could tell she was working out how one sibling could be three days older than the other. It's funny because not many people realise just how _complicated_ things are in my house. All the relationships were odd but it worked for us, we wouldn't have it any other way.

"Have you spoken to your sister about how you feel?"

I shook my head, "we're not really close, we tend to bicker a lot. Plus she doesn't live around here, she moved to Birmingham with _her_ mother."

Cathy nodded and I could tell she was confused. It was always confusing to try and explain how we were related. Lauren and I realised it was always so much easier to pretend we were cousins then explain how we'd become sisters.

"What about your half-brother?"

"Again we're not close. He lives with Lauren and his mother in Birmingham. Lauren and Louis are full siblings, I'm only the half."

Cathy smiled, "it's kind of complicated to explain isn't it?"

I nodded my head and burst out laughing, "well it is a little bit. For the first eleven years Lauren and I were brought up as cousins. We were told just before starting high school we were actually sisters. Mine and Lauren's father fell in love with _both_ our mums. He married Lauren's and they had another child Louis. It's an odd set up but it works, I have a lovely relationship with both my parents, my stepmother is great and I love my brother."

"You sound like you're suffering from a bit of anxiety," Cathy replied, "but it's nothing to worry about. In the circumstances it's understandable that you're going to be on edge about a few things. What I think we should do is pencil you in for a few sessions and we'll see how you are at the end of them okay?"

I nodded, "sounds like a plan."

* * *

 ** _jottings_** — if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review:3


	8. CHAPTER SEVEN

**CHAPTER SEVEN**  
 _three weeks later_

* * *

It had been three weeks since Lauren and I had last spoken. She was discharged from the hospital after her head injury and returned home to Birmingham. I had sent her a couple of texts during the three weeks but she didn't often reply. I got worried especially after what she said about the gangs and stuff she'd been caught up in.

I'd attended three counselling appointments to deal with my anxiety over witnessing Sam's fall. He'd been doing well, he came out of Intensive Care a few days ago. I felt better, no longer as worried if my parents were injured at work. I knew it was a small possibility.

It was Saturday and I was at my fathers, like I spent every weekend since I was born. I was sat on the step in the garden enjoying the sunshine as it wasn't often it was nice and bright in Holby. My mobile phone began to ring and as I took it out of my pocket, I wondered who it was. Not many people contacted me.

Staring at the name on the screen, I realised the person who was calling was Lauren. With a sigh I accepted the call and pressed the phone to my ear, "hello?"

 _"Lottie where are you?"  
_

"At dad's why?"

There was a pause on the other end of the phone as she answered, _"I need your help."_

I rolled my eyes and scratched my nails across my knees. I didn't want to help my older sister. I was sick to death of been treated like shit from her. It was perfectly okay for her to turn up in the middle of the night, battered and bruised and expected me to sort her out yet she can't answer a simple text message of me asking if she was okay.

I paused for a couple of seconds, "forget it Lauren, I'm sick of helping you!"

 _"You've got to be a bitch haven't you?"_ She paused, _"I really need your help Lottie I wouldn't be ringing otherwise."_

"You''re the one who is a bitch nobody else," I replied, "you turn up out of the blue, break into my house and disrupt mine and my mother's time together. And then you fuck off back to Birmingham and don't even have any free time to reply to my messages. Well you know what Lauren, I'm not helping you anymore!"

 _"Screw you, you heartless bitch!"_

The phone disconnected and I stared at the blank screen. With a deep sigh I put my phone beside me and picked up the book I was reading. I was enjoying the peace and quiet until the doorbell rang and I got up. Heading to the front door, I unlocked it and pulled the door open.

Standing outside in a blue hooded top was Lauren. I folded my arms across my chest, "what do you want?"

"How many times Lottie _I_ need your help," I stared at my sister and realised she looked different, not as well as when I last saw her three weeks ago. Biting my lower lip gently I moved out of the doorway and ushered her to come in. It was _her_ house too.

She came into the house and closed the door behind her. There was nothing spoken and I suddenly felt sick, like there was going to be some news that neither of us could handle. Lauren walked into the living room and I followed behind her, "what do you want Lauren?"

"I need you to do me a favour."

I shrugged as I perched on the edge of the settee, "depends what that favour is."

"I need you to get something for me, something from dad's work."

"Depends on what it is doesn't it? And what's in it for me if I do this for you?"

"A hundred quid no questions asked okay?"

I looked at the person in front of me — the person who was supposed to be my sister and realised that I didn't actually know her. She wasn't the fourteen year old I was brought up with, she was turning into a stranger and it made me uncomfortable for more than one reason.

"Where the hell are you getting a hundred pounds from?"

Lauren began to pace the living room, "it doesn't matter alright. Are you going to do this for me or not?"

"Like I said Lauren it depends what it is."

Lauren paused and replied, "I need you to get me mifepristone—the abortion drug."

I looked my sister up and down and shook my head. There was no way I was about to steal an abortion drug from _our_ father's place of work and give it to her. Abortions had to be controlled, the bleeding could become out of control. She could die.

Judging by the horrified look on my face, Lauren realised I wasn't going to participate in her crazy, stupid idea and began to walk out of the living room. Looking me in the eye she replied, "fine. I'm sure I'll go elsewhere for one."

I began to think of the worst that could happen so I put my hand on her arm, "fine I'll do it okay. A hundred pounds and I won't tell anyone okay?"

Lauren nodded, "I knew you'd do what's right Charlie."

As I walked into the kitchen I turned on the kettle and sighed deeply. I knew I shouldn't agree to Lauren's crazy idea but it scared me. If she went elsewhere, she might do more damage and never be able to have children in the future.

"So you're going to do it?"

"I said I would didn't I?" I snapped. The kitchen door slammed shut and I sat down at the kitchen table, put my head in my hands and cried.

* * *

 **jottings** — if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review:3


	9. CHAPTER EIGHT

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

* * *

I can't believe she'd even ask me to do this! I can't believe I'm stupid enough to agree to do it for her. A hundred pounds to steal the abortion drug from _our_ father's work place and to give it to Lauren so she can have an illegal abortion.

I wish she'd just ask her mother, Baz was a doctor after all or even my mother. She'd help. She considered Lauren a second daughter. I stood outside the Accident and Emergency Department, hands sticky and my heart beating furiously. I told Lauren I'd do my best but if I was caught, I was going to reveal the truth. It wasn't me who was pregnant it was Lauren, I was just trying to help.

We fought after I had said that. She scratched my cheek. I left her to it and walked out. I wasn't about to hit a pregnant _girl_ that would be unfair. I took a deep breath and walked into the department. I stood by the door at first, watching the waiting room. It was busy as usual and Amy was on reception.

I put my hood up on my jacket and walked through the doors into the cubicle area. Growing up in A&E had its advantages, I knew where the keys for the drug cabinet was kept and I also knew how secure it was kept, i.e not very depending if there were agency nurses around or not. They seemed to always leave the keys in the cabinet, it made easy access for those who knew how to get in there.

I reached the drug cabinet and found it open.

I took a deep breath as I picked up one of the packets. It wasn't what I needed so I put it back. What seemed to be forever looking I eventually found a box of Mifepristone and I held it in my hand.

"Excuse me, what do you think you're doing?"

I heard Eve's voice and I began to panic. I knew I could've run, she wouldn't have known it was me but I was frozen on the spot unable to move even though my brain wanted me to move. I felt Eve put her hand on my arm and turn me around. As she did I dropped the box.

Our eyes connected for a second, "Charlotte?"

She bent down to pick up the box. As she scanned the name she looked up at me and asked, "care to explain?"

"Not really," I took a deep breath suddenly feeling sick. This wasn't meant to happen. It was meant to be simple. I was meant to get the drug, take it back to Lauren and nobody would be any of the wiser that it was gone, the drugs or the baby.

There was an awkwardness between us before I responded, "my father doesn't need to know about this does he?"

"Need to know about what?"

Eve and I looked at my father who seemed to have spotted us in the corner of the busy area. I closed my eyes, I couldn't believe this was even happening. This really shouldn't have happened. Maybe I should've tried robbing them from St James' instead, maybe it would've been slightly easier.

I kind of secretly hoped Eve wouldn't drop me in it but then I remembered it was Eve of all people - Eve was up my father's arse like the majority of people in this place. There was nothing but silence between all three of us before I tried to make a run for it. My father stopped me in my tracks though,

"I don't think so Charlotte,"

Eve handed Charlie the box and excused herself saying she was going to leave us to it, it was clearly a family matter. Charlie looked down at the box in his hand and then back at me, "why didn't you speak to me or your mother, we could've helped you."

"For crying out loud," I shouted, "I'm not pregnant okay?"

"So why do you need this then?" He didn't allow me to explain before telling me to go to the staff room and he'll come and see me in five minutes, he had to find my mother first. I smiled slightly at him and pretended to make my way to the staff room. There was no way I was going in there and facing a lecture from them both!

Making sure the coast was clear, I left the department and returned to my fathers house where Lauren was waiting for me. As soon as I put the key in the door and opened it, Lauren was pacing the corridor, "did you get it?"

I left the question to linger as I closed the front door. After a couple of seconds of silence I responded with a sigh, "no. No I didn't."

"Why the hell not?"

"I had it okay but Eve caught me. I've had to do a runner because my father's convinced I'm the one who's pregnant and he and my mother are going to give me a lecture."

Lauren breathed a sigh of relief, "so nobody knows its me who's pregnant?"

I shook my head still pissed off that she was only thinking of herself in this situation, "no but I'm going to have to tell the truth Lauren, I can't lie for you forever."

"Please?"

I shook my head again. I couldn't.

"I'm sorry," As soon as I said it Lauren's face turned to thunder. I knew what was coming next and I felt her fist collide with my mouth. Realising I couldn't keep allowing Lauren to hurt me because I didn't agree to her stupid ideas, I punched her back in the face.

It wasn't long before we were both brawling in the middle of the hallway, both of us with a fistful of each others hair. I wasn't aware of my father arriving in the house until I saw him stand in the middle of us, shouting at the pair of us to pack it in.

"Stop it!"

As soon as we heard our father's voice we both stopped fighting. There was nothing but silence until our father asked, "what's going on?"

Lauren and I stared at each other before I responded, "Lauren's the one who's pregnant dad. I was stealing for Lauren. She's my sister dad, I _had_ to help her even if I disagreed with it."

Lauren gave me a death stare and replied, "I never want to speak to you again!"

* * *

 _ **jottings** _ \- if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review:3


	10. CHAPTER NINE

**CHAPTER NINE**

* * *

It was safe to say things were awkward in the living room. I didn't really want to be there, I didn't feel I _needed_ to be there. This was a discussion for Lauren and my father. I stood up to disappear but my father looked at me and convinced me to stay. He hasn't finished talking to me about stealing drugs from the hospital yet.

I sat back down and sighed, "do you not think this conversation is between you and Lauren?"

Charlie ignored me and I hoped my mother would be able to save me from a bollocking. Again there was nothing but silence before Charlie asked Lauren, "why didn't you speak to me or your mother?"

"You were both busy."

"Who's the father?" I saw a flash of fear in Lauren's eyes before she shrugged her shoulders. I knew she was going to pretend she didn't know the father.

"Just some boy," she smiled slightly and I knew she was just trying to be brave. She didn't want our father to know the truth about Birmingham. I knew I couldn't stay sat there whilst she was lying. She really needed to tell the truth.

I stood up again and this time left my father's house. I walked in the direction of the hospital as I knew that's where my mother would be. I felt sick as I knew the whole hospital would have probably found out what had happened earlier.

Approaching the entrance of the Emergency Department I felt my stomach twisting into knots and I took a deep breath and stepped inside. I twisted a strand of loose hair around my finger, kept my head down and walked towards the desk.

I made eye contact with Amy and asked, "any chance you could find my mum?"

Amy nodded her head but before disappearing replied that she had heard what had happened and that she was there if I needed to talk. I thanked her for her kind words and sat down on one of the chairs in the waiting room.

I was pretty much lost in my own thoughts when the guy next to me suddenly started to cough. I jumped out of the chair when I noticed he was coughing up blood. It seemed I wasn't the only person to notice because before I had chance to say anything, a doctor who I'd never seen before came over and rushed him straight through to cubicles.

Once again I was lost in my thoughts wondering if Lauren was okay with my father. I knew she was only trying to protect him but our father deserved the truth. They all did including Baz.

When I saw my mother emerge from the cubicle area I found myself staring at the floor in shame. It was hard enough for me to live with two nurses, never mind how hard it would know be for my parents know the whole hospital knew I was caught stealing an abortion drug.

I stood up and my mother put her hand on my arm, "staff room now!"

She kind of hissed the words and I reluctantly obeyed. I knew it was pointless to argue with my mother of all people, she had years more experience than me and could shut me up in a millisecond.

Opening the door to the staff room she practically shoved me inside and slammed the door closed. The awkwardness could be felt between us and I knew she was pissed off with me.

"Do you want to explain why you were stealing?"

"Not really," I replied.

"I brought you up better than to steal from the people you trust."

"Hang on a minute I didn't steal from _anyone_ I stole from the hospital! I was desperate ok?"

"Are you pregnant?"

"Don't be ridiculous! I'm not pregnant. You think I'd have an abortion if I was? I'd tell you, I'd want your advice. It's Lauren who's pregnant. That guy's made her pregnant and she doesn't know what to do!"

My mother seemed to look relieved that her only daughter wasn't pregnant or turning into a thief. Actually, I suppose I was an attempted thief because I wasn't successful.

Duffy sat down next to me and asked, "where's Lauren now?"

"Dad's giving her a lecture," I replied, "he's going to be pissed with me for leaving but they need to be alone!"

I could tell my mum was thinking, we both were. We both knew Lauren wasn't going to reveal the truth about the abuse but we also knew if we told Charlie, he'd get shirty with mum for not telling him what was going on with _his_ daughter.

"What are you thinking?"

Duffy sighed softly, "I'll have to tell Charlie what I know."

"But they'll both be pissed off with you!"

There was a silence for a couple of seconds before Duffy responded; "Lauren's pregnant and right now needs all the support she can get. They'll understand."

A niggling feeling inside told me they wouldn't be so understanding.

* * *

 **jottings** / if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review


	11. CHAPTER TEN

**CHAPTER TEN**.

* * *

I sat on the top step my knees tucked under my chin listening to my parents arguing downstairs. I knew they were going to argue when my mum told my dad that she knew about Lauren being abused in Birmingham.

"Why didn't you tell me about Lauren?"

"I was going too," there was a pause, "but then I realised it wasn't my place too."

"So you were going to keep it from me?"

I sighed and realised that was a little harsh from my father. He didn't see it from my mother's point of view did he? She wanted to tell someone but couldn't because if she did, Lauren would never have seeked medical attention.

Lauren came out of her room and looked at me, "they still arguing?"

I nodded and turned to Lauren, "yeah no thanks to you. Why did you have to drag my mother into this?"

"That's uncalled for Charlotte! You really think I wanted to drag your mother into this? She was the only person I could trust. Your mother only did what _my_ mother would do for you."

Lauren disappeared back into her room and I stayed at the top of the stairs. I guess I was been immature about the whole situation, did I really think Lauren planned all this?

"Did you know Lauren was pregnant?"

Duffy paused for a couple of seconds before replying, "I suspected but I didn't know for sure. I think Charlotte was the only one who Lauren trusted enough to tell."

I stood up from the top step and walked to the door of Lauren's room. I knocked on the door and tried the handle but the door seemed to be locked. I pounded on the door and shouted.

"Lauren, open the bloody door!"

When I didn't get a response I kicked the door in. The door flung open and banged against the wall. I screamed when I saw Lauren lying lifeless on the bed, an empty bottle of vodka by her bed and two empty containers that contained pills. My scream attracted the attention of my parents who raced up the stairs.

Both of them went to Lauren and my mother turned to me, "Charlotte ring an ambulance."

I was just frozen on the spot, "is she dead?"

"No but Lottie we need an ambulance."

I ran downstairs, grabbed the telephone and dialled 999. I explained what happened to the operator over the phone and he informed me that an ambulance was on its way. I put the phone down on its stand, unlocked the front door and disappeared. I couldn't stay and watch whilst Lauren was unconscious, I needed to get away from it all.

I found myself sitting in the park, spinning around and round on the roundabout. I hadn't taken my jacket and it soon began to rain. I didn't move, I couldn't. I didn't want to go home or to the hospital. I felt guilty, did I miss the signs that Lauren was suicidal?

I went to the park it was my safe haven. I spun around on the roundabout until I started to feel sick but I didn't stop. I didn't know where else to go. My parents had enough to worry about without me being there. It began to rain and I sighed deeply but didn't move.

Eventually freezing cold, goosebumps up my arms and my clothes stuck to my body, I decided it was time to leave. I was too busy in my own thoughts that I didn't notice I was been followed.

As I was leaving the park I was grabbed from behind and pulled into the bushes.

"Say one word and I'll kill you."

/

"Ambulance required to Holby Central Park. Reports of a young unconscious female ."

Josh and Penny attended the park and found nobody near. They thought it was most likely a hoax call, they attended one on average every week. It was only when they were planning on leaving that Penny heard rustling in the bushes.

Penny followed the sound and found Charlotte had regained consciousness. The youngster was naked from the waist down and shivering in the cold.

"Lottie?"

I could hear Penny but I didn't want to make eye contact! I was embarrassed and ashamed at what had happened to me. Josh disappeared to the ambulance and I quickly pulled my jeans up, still refusing to make eye contact with Penny.

Penny knew from the state that Charlotte was in that she had been attacked. They knew they were going to have to take her to hospital. Josh returned and wrapped the blanket around me. I heard them whisper something to each other and I looked up briefly,

"Lottie, we need to take you to hospital."

"No!' I shouted and I shook my head. I couldn't go to hospital. My parents were there and they were worrying about Lauren. I couldn't turn up looking like this!

"Please guys! Please don't make me go!"

I knew it was stupid to even protest. I knew they were going to make me go to the hospital and get checked over. I sat in the back of the ambulance, knees tucked under my chin, fiddling with the loose strand on the blanket.

Penny was trying to make me talk, "so how's school?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "its ok I guess."

I knew there were going to be rumours. That was the only problem with living in a small town like Holby, everyone knew your business. People from school would've heard about Lauren being pregnant, they'd know about me being raped too. They probably thought I'd asked for it.

I sucked my thumb refusing to speak anymore.

The ambulance stopped and Josh turned off the engine. I swallowed nervously. I really didn't want to go inside. If I had to see my parents I'd cry, they were already concerned about Lauren. They didn't need to worry about me too.

As soon as the back of the ambulance opened, I saw it as my opportunity to escape. I dropped the blanket that I had and jumped out of the ambulance before running away from the hospital and towards the main road. I really didn't want to go to hospital!

Josh tried to run after me but after a few minutes stopped realising he was never going to catch up with me. He sighed deeply and watched me run into the distance. I knew he was going to have to tell my father and mother he'd picked me up and I'd been attacked.

It was dark and cold and to be honest I didn't have a clue where I was going.

I knew I could go home, have a shower and get changed but then there would be no evidence of my attack and he'd get away with it. On the other hand, I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to go to the police, maybe I could keep it a secret? Maybe nobody would have to know I was raped?

* * *

 **jottings** / if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review:3


	12. CHAPTER ELEVEN

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**.

* * *

I put the plug in the bath, ran the hot water and sat on the edge of the bath. I didn't really feel anything, I guess you could say I was emotionally numb. I heard the front door open and close and I ran to the bathroom door and made sure it was locked.

I heard footsteps up the stairs and the sound of my mother's voice as she called out my name.

"Lottie?" Duffy knocked once on the door and tried the door handle. She sighed when she found it locked. I remind silent, I didn't really know what to say. I didn't want to tell her that I was attacked but deep down I knew she knew, I knew Josh and Penny would've told her.

"Lottie," she paused for a second, "Josh told me."

I walked up and down the bathroom not replying.

"Lottie," she paused again and after a deep sigh replied, "I know you're scared right now but listen to me. Are you listening? If you get in that bath you'll wash away the evidence needed to convict him. I'm not saying report it, I'm just saying gather the evidence and make a decision later. Please Charlotte, please don't let him get away with this."

I listened to what my mother was saying and I knew deep down she had a point.

I walked towards the bath and turned off the tap. I slowly walked to the door and unlocked it before returning to sit on the edge of the bath. My mother heard me stop running the bath and asked if she could come in.

"Is it ok if I come in?"

I didn't reply and the bathroom door opened. I looked down at the floor and my mother slowly walked up to me. As she knelt down on the floor in front of me, she gently lifted up my chin so we made eye contact,

We'll get through this together Lottie I promise."

I didn't reply and Duffy sighed. There was a silence between us for ages, neither of us knowing what to say. I know I didn't want to speak. I was scared that if I opened my mouth I would cry. If I started to cry I wouldn't stop.

"I know you think you are to blame right now. I know you are thinking of all the things you should've done instead but trust me sweetheart, you are not to blame for what that man did to you."

I still stayed quiet.

"I want you to have a choice. I don't want you to regret this in the future if you decide not to go to the police. Do you want to go to the police?"

I didn't answer my mum's question. I wasn't sure. I didn't know. I just wanted to forget this ever happened to me. What if that was my answer? What if I just wanted to forget about the whole thing?

I shook my head.

"You don't want to go to the police?"

I shook my head again.

Duffy nodded, "ok sweetheart we don't have to go to the police if you don't want too."

I had a bath. I took a long soak in the bath. I washed every part of me repeatedly to get his scent of my skin. My mother washed my hair for me like I was a baby again. We didn't speak as I was having a bath, I was enjoying the silence. My mum seemed sad. There was a definite sadness there that would not disappear and I began to wonder if I had caused it. Obviously what I didn't know was that my rape was bringing back memories of my mothers attack years previously.

Mum left me to get out the bath while she went to make me a hot chocolate. I dried my skin looking at the small bruises that were now beginning to form at the top of my thighs. I pulled on my pyjamas and leant over to take out the plug. Leaving the bathroom I went downstairs and sat on the settee.

A couple of minutes later Duffy walked into the living room with two mugs and handed one to me. Cupping the mug between my hands I rested my head on my mothers shoulder. There was nothing spoken between us for a couple of minutes before Duffy whispered;

"we're going to get through this together Lottie. I promise. I love you."

I smiled slightly and whispered back, "I love you too."

/

I woke up the next morning in my mum's bedroom. I couldn't remember falling asleep or being carried up the stairs. I was surprised I had slept and not woken up in the night tossing and turning or having nightmares. I stretched and lay on my side for a while not having the energy nor desire to move. My mother perched on the end of the bed near me.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm ok just a little bit achy." I smiled slightly, "How are you?"

Duffy smiled at me slightly, "I'm ok too."

I knew she was lying to me. I knew she wasn't ok. There was still that sadness there, a sadness that she couldn't hide from me no matter how much she tried too. I just didn't want her to be sad anymore.

I swallowed hard and asked, "have I made you sad mum?"

She shook her head and kissed the top of my head, "no hunny, you haven't made me sad at all."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, I knew I had even if she told me I hadn't. There was nothing spoken between us for a while until she stood up from the edge of the bed and told me she was going to work and my father would be on his way round soon.

I shook my head and sighed, "I don't need babysitting."

Duffy smiled slightly, "I know, I just want you to have someone to talk too."

* * *

 **jottings** / if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review:3


	13. EPILOGUE

**EPILOGUE,  
** _trigger warning as talks about self-harm._

* * *

I sat in the garden digging my toes into the grass. It was a lovely day outside and I'd decided I was going to do some homework in the garden. I may as well get my vitamin D whilst it was here, you know what the English weather is like. It never stays nice for long.

It had been two months since my rape, two whole months of nightmares and therapy. I'd started self-harming, cutting my arms about a week or two after my attack. I think it was a coping method, I was ashamed I'd even put myself in that situation and people didn't help at school. They kept telling me I'd made the whole thing up because of Lauren being pregnant.

It hurt to even think the people you considered friends thought so little of you. I started therapy and eventually, the self-harm and the acceptance started. I'm not _over_ my attack, I'll never be over it because its something that has happened and something I'll always have to live with for the rest of my life.

I guess you could say I don't blame myself as much as I did. Nothing I could've done would've made a difference.

A lot had changed in two months, I think we all changed in two months to be honest.

Mum and I moved out of Holby. I didn't want her to leave her job because of me but she told me not to be stupid, she was a nurse and she'd get a job elsewhere. We settled in Manchester, I started a new school and I was feeling better than I had done in months.

Lauren was ok from what I'd heard from dad. She'd moved to Holby to live with our father and started our old school again. Baz and Louis learnt the truth about Lauren, the grooming and the pregnancy. They too moved back to Holby to support her.

"Here you go," my mother handed me a glass of orange juice and sat down beside me. There was nothing spoken, I just rested my head on her shoulder. I smiled because for the first time in two months, I genuinely felt at peace.

"I love you mum."

"I love you too."

I knew despite the dysfunctional dynamics of my family, I could get through anything life threw at me.

* * *

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